Posts Tagged ‘Things’
Success without fulfilment equals failure and a lot of our pain comes from one or more of the six not being met. Now the good thing about that is; you’re about to learn what those 6 needs are as well as some options for ensuring that you are meeting your own needs and then helping to meet your children’s needs (remember the aircraft scenario, where you put your own mask on before you put the mask on of others.)
We can sometimes look at the challenges we have with ourselves, our children and partner as a problem and get bogged down in the pain or we can focus on creating an opportunity to learn, grow and develop our relationship. You may also find that as you resolve your own needs those of your children may be met and therefore the issue disappears. There’s this theory, and it is only a theory, that the world around you, is a bit like a mirror and it reflects what is going on within you. So theoretically if you clear “stuff” up within yourself by meeting your needs then some of the issues that are faced by those you love may also disappear. Mmmmmm, interesting stuff.
Now I know that that may sound like new age hippy stuff about embracing problems and being at one with the world. The thing is sometimes it’s not about what you are doing; it’s about who you are BEING. We learn more from our mistakes in life than from our successes. It’s not what is going on in your life, but how you respond to it that counts; it’s about BEING response-able.
It’s interesting that as you learn about the 6 needs you will instantly recognise in your life when the need is not being met. How? Well normally we will ‘act out’, and that’s you as well as your children, when our needs are not met. It’s interesting, especially when you start to look at your children and their behaviour, then look at what is going on when they are ‘acting out’ that you can start to recognise that one or more needs are not being met. You can then start to help your child meet their needs in a more ecological (good for them, your family and the wider world) way.
The thing is Parenthood is one of those things that didn’t come with a handbook. Some people didn’t even apply for the job and yet here you are responsible for the wellbeing and development of another one, or more, human beings. Now that used to scare the living daylights out of me; now it only scares me a little bit;). The reason being is sometimes it’s not about getting it right all the time, it’s not about doing the right thing and being politically correct all the time, the key is your intention behind the action.
Children of any age can see through adults like we are made of glass and if your intentions are misplaced then they will see right through you. It’s better to be up front and honest than to try and manipulate your children into doing something. Now I know that sometimes we don’t tell our children the whole truth and nothing but the whole truth, because it’s also our job to protect them from ‘stuff’ that may be going on in the family, whether it is financial worries, relationship problems or anything else. Just remember be as honest as you can. Be yourself and stop trying to be the perfect parent, whatever that happens to be. One of my sons said to me when he was about three…”Mum, you’re the best mum in the world” and yes I felt rather smug…then he said “Auntie Shirley is the best mum in the world for Jessica and Auntie Linda is the best mum in the world for Lewis, because we picked you to be our mum”. Talk about being insightful! You are the best mum or dad for your child, so stop trying to get it right and start having fun and play around with being the best parent you can be. Oh and when you do make a mistake, apologise, there’s nothing like being a good role model. We expect our children to apologise and sometimes forget to do so ourselves.
It’s important to remember that how you go about getting your needs met will either empower or dis-empower you. There are two ways to have the tallest building in the world; you can build one yourself or tear everyone else’s down.
Fulfilment is where you do things that are VERY IMPORTANT, BUT NOT URGENT. Satisfying your needs contains all of the actions that we “never get to” because we are “so busy”. So as you read through the upcoming e:mails, think about how you can have your needs met and think about you can help your child meet their needs; and here’s the thing, I want you to commit to making the time to make the changes and to take action. Can you do that? Yes? Great. No, then maybe your not ready to make the change…. yet.
How To Stop Your Time Being Stolen By The Mini-Mafia…And Still Have The Energy To Cope With Your Children’s Behaviours! Free tips at http://www.tipsparents.com.
Do you use phrases that edify and encourage your children?
Sometimes we don’t say things that edify or encourage our children.
Avoid using these ten parenting tip phrases to your children and you will starting on the road to raising more positive and self-confident children.
1 Just because I say so is not a good reason. Try to avoid using these words to your child.
Parenting tip
always have a reason why your child should or shouldn’t do something.
2. If only you could be more like your brother/sister. Each child is an individual and should be respected and treated as such.
Parenting tip
making a child feel inferior is not good for them and inflict pain that can last a life time.
3. “It doesn’t matter what others think” To your child what others think may be important and just to dismiss those feelings can be insensitive.
Parenting tip
It’s important that you start from birth to build your child’s self-esteem so they themselves don’t worry about what others think as they are confident in their own .
4 “Mummy & Daddy had sex last night.” This will embarrass your child and there shouldn’t be any reason for them to be given details this personal about their parents.
5 “Pull yourself together” This is really a silly comment if you take it literally.
Parenting tip
If your child is feeling sad about something then he needs to be able to express this in a constructive manner within a loving family. If it’s anger then he needs to learn how to manage it and this expression will not encourage him to do this.
6 “I was too busy to come and see you” What is this saying to your child?
Parenting tip.
It’s telling your child that something you’re doing is more important to you than they are. Many adults carry wounds inflicted by parents who promised to do something and then never followed through.
7 “Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you” This is incorrect. as names children are called or labels they are given can effect them for life.
Parenting tips.
Often names hurt more than other forms of bullying make sure you appreciate how your child will be affected by names they are called and don’t let this affect your child for life. It can.
8 “Wait until your father/mother gets home” This usually relates to discipline and any disciplining should be done as soon after the misbehavior as possible.
Parenting Tip
A child should not have punishment hung over their head all day.
9 “I won’t make that mistake again” This is unlikely to happen and even if you don’t make this particular mistake you will make another one.
Parenting Tip
“Let’s try and learn from the mistakes we make and teach our children how to do this too.
10 “You can’t possibly do that/ succeed at that.” Parents need to encourage their children to anything they want to be.
Parenting Tip
Help your child to succeed in whatever they try and don’t discourage them from even trying.
Now you know what not to say to your children think about what you should say.
Extra parenting tip Make sure you aren’t too busy to enjoy your children.
And you can find more parenting tips [http://www.englishnannyblog.com] on my Blog. Make sure you make use of the fascility to ask a question.
Parenting tips and advice about children and family life from an English Nanny and Parenting Expert with over 25 years of experience. [http://www.englishnannyblog.com]