Archive for May, 2011
Why do parents need tips on how to start this conversation with their kids when they ask, “where do babies come from?”
Could it be that they are scared? What are they scared of?
I know I was until I asked myself, “why am I scared to talk with my child about sex?” I realized that all the reasons I was scared to talk to my children about sex had nothing to do wiith reality. I was scared only because of what I was imagining.
An imagined conversation:
- “Where do babies come from?”
- “Inside Mommy’s tummy.”
- “How do they get there?”
- “There are seeds inside mommy, just like there are seeds inside of fruits.”
This could be the end of the conversation or it could go on.
The point is to answer the question as truthfully and as simply as possible given the age of the child.
Once a child is aware of their genitals, there is nothing wrong with explaining how “the seeds inside of Mommy” get fertilized.
What are we so afraid of? What do we imagine would happen if we told our child about sex? Are we afraid that it would make them want sex? Or what?
There is nothing really to be afraid of. It is all imagined.
Thus, the primary tip for how to start this conversation is to get past your fear, which is coming from your imagination. Once you can see beyond your fear, you can listen litereally to what your child is asking and answer appropriately to the actual question, not to what you imagine the question is getting at.
Notice it is not the parent who is starting the conversation. It is up to the child to start it. Children start the conversation by asking the questions. Just answer the actual questions. It is easy to listen when you are free from your fears. Remember, your fears are the result of what you are imagining, not the result of any real danger.
I invite you to comment away to extend this conversation and to check out by website at bestparenthelp.info
My area of expertise is psychology and I have been a professional counselor since 1980. Helping people develop emotional literacy, emotional freedom and emotional well-being are my mission. I am licensed as a mental health counselor in the State of Washington.
I have been a parent and step-parent for the past 18 years. I have been a Certified Montessori Teacher. I have helped and counseled countless parents who are confused, lost and frustrated by their “monster” kids, who are in turn just as lost, confused and frustrated as their parents.
For More Information Visit My Website: http://www.bestparenthelp.info
For Consultations Contact Me At: Phone: 425-296-2544 Email: ricardo3015 at msn.com Skype: ricardo3015.
Success without fulfilment equals failure and a lot of our pain comes from one or more of the six not being met. Now the good thing about that is; you’re about to learn what those 6 needs are as well as some options for ensuring that you are meeting your own needs and then helping to meet your children’s needs (remember the aircraft scenario, where you put your own mask on before you put the mask on of others.)
We can sometimes look at the challenges we have with ourselves, our children and partner as a problem and get bogged down in the pain or we can focus on creating an opportunity to learn, grow and develop our relationship. You may also find that as you resolve your own needs those of your children may be met and therefore the issue disappears. There’s this theory, and it is only a theory, that the world around you, is a bit like a mirror and it reflects what is going on within you. So theoretically if you clear “stuff” up within yourself by meeting your needs then some of the issues that are faced by those you love may also disappear. Mmmmmm, interesting stuff.
Now I know that that may sound like new age hippy stuff about embracing problems and being at one with the world. The thing is sometimes it’s not about what you are doing; it’s about who you are BEING. We learn more from our mistakes in life than from our successes. It’s not what is going on in your life, but how you respond to it that counts; it’s about BEING response-able.
It’s interesting that as you learn about the 6 needs you will instantly recognise in your life when the need is not being met. How? Well normally we will ‘act out’, and that’s you as well as your children, when our needs are not met. It’s interesting, especially when you start to look at your children and their behaviour, then look at what is going on when they are ‘acting out’ that you can start to recognise that one or more needs are not being met. You can then start to help your child meet their needs in a more ecological (good for them, your family and the wider world) way.
The thing is Parenthood is one of those things that didn’t come with a handbook. Some people didn’t even apply for the job and yet here you are responsible for the wellbeing and development of another one, or more, human beings. Now that used to scare the living daylights out of me; now it only scares me a little bit;). The reason being is sometimes it’s not about getting it right all the time, it’s not about doing the right thing and being politically correct all the time, the key is your intention behind the action.
Children of any age can see through adults like we are made of glass and if your intentions are misplaced then they will see right through you. It’s better to be up front and honest than to try and manipulate your children into doing something. Now I know that sometimes we don’t tell our children the whole truth and nothing but the whole truth, because it’s also our job to protect them from ‘stuff’ that may be going on in the family, whether it is financial worries, relationship problems or anything else. Just remember be as honest as you can. Be yourself and stop trying to be the perfect parent, whatever that happens to be. One of my sons said to me when he was about three…”Mum, you’re the best mum in the world” and yes I felt rather smug…then he said “Auntie Shirley is the best mum in the world for Jessica and Auntie Linda is the best mum in the world for Lewis, because we picked you to be our mum”. Talk about being insightful! You are the best mum or dad for your child, so stop trying to get it right and start having fun and play around with being the best parent you can be. Oh and when you do make a mistake, apologise, there’s nothing like being a good role model. We expect our children to apologise and sometimes forget to do so ourselves.
It’s important to remember that how you go about getting your needs met will either empower or dis-empower you. There are two ways to have the tallest building in the world; you can build one yourself or tear everyone else’s down.
Fulfilment is where you do things that are VERY IMPORTANT, BUT NOT URGENT. Satisfying your needs contains all of the actions that we “never get to” because we are “so busy”. So as you read through the upcoming e:mails, think about how you can have your needs met and think about you can help your child meet their needs; and here’s the thing, I want you to commit to making the time to make the changes and to take action. Can you do that? Yes? Great. No, then maybe your not ready to make the change…. yet.
How To Stop Your Time Being Stolen By The Mini-Mafia…And Still Have The Energy To Cope With Your Children’s Behaviours! Free tips at http://www.tipsparents.com.