Archive for March, 2011
As parents we are our children’s very earliest teacher – a very important role – so we need to model for our children the kinds of behaviors that we wish them to follow. Creating a relationship based on respect for each other, appreciating them as they are and encouraging them towards responsibility and independence are important goals for parents in nurturing their young child.
Here are 7 tips to being an inspiring first teacher for your child and to having a loving and close relationship with them:
1. Show your child respect by giving them lots of cuddles and time
2. Get down to their eye level and really listen to what they are saying. Listen with your lips shut as well as with your heart
3. Understand things more from their perspective and talk about their feelings
4. Appreciate the things they can do and praise them
5. Let them have a go first as they try new things instead of doing things for them
6. Allow them to do some little jobs like helping put toys away. This helps them learn to be responsible
7. Notice the things they can do by themselves as they get older. This will encourage your child to keep on striving to achieve new goals and eventually become independent
When you parent your little one keeping these 7 tips in mind, you will be building a wonderful close bond, while encouraging them to grow and develop to their full potential. And isn’t that after all what we as parents want most of all?
Barbara Beccari M.Ed is principal of Need2Connect, a coaching business promoting connected relationships for work or home. Professionals are supported to reflect on practical strategies for improved workplace relationships, well-being and work-life balance. Parents of babies to teens through parent-coaching are supported to think differently about their parenting role and are offered strategies for what is the most difficult (and rewarding!) job that people will ever do. Check out http://www.need2connect.com.au to find out more about building connected relationships in the workplace or with family.
When one is suffering from great pain in the heart and preferring to be dead than alive, it is the End of the World. When we lose sight of the moral values, our life will be of great suffering. When there is absence of loving kindness between parents and children, and the sense of duties and obligation between husband and wife, the world will be endowed with disasters and great sufferings.
During a parents-teachers meeting session, a student of about sever years old was invited to share his understanding of his studies after he was exposed to Di Zi Gui, a Chinese classic on morality and human values. The student revealed that he realized that he needs to have filial piety to be good human beings after he started his studies. He continued to disclose that before that, he thought frequently of how to get rid of his parents because his parents were bothersome to him. His mother who was happily listening to him was shocked and surprised to hear this and was tearing. She must be thinking that she had never expected her son, aged seven, would be thinking of getting rid of her. In actual fact, as parents nowadays, do we know what our children are thinking; what they are saying; what they are doing; what their benchmarks in life are? We may not be aware at all due to the lack of communication with our children.
Why would a boy of seven years old be thinking of getting rid of his parents? The only explanation is that there is a lack of loving kindness between the parents and child. Our children of one or two years of age would still be coming back to us after they were lectured for their mistakes. It is the human instinct in them to seek protection and love from their parents. When a baby was born, it is the instinct in the parents to give love and protection to the helpless fragile baby. The parents would not be thinking of the wealth and properties this baby will reward them when he grows up. The only thought in the parents’ mind is to ensure the baby grows up healthily, and to become good and useful human being. The seeking for parental love and care by the child and the giving of unconditional loving kindness by the parents to the child is human nature. If it is human nature, why then do we have so many cases of children rebelling against their parents, fighting and even killing their parents?
The cause of today’s problems with our children is that the parents do not fulfill their duties and responsibilities to educate their children. Some of the elderly may argue that they were not taught to have filial piety by their parents and yet they were filial to them. Actually, the teaching in the past was by way of role model and not by words of mouth, and the whole society was very focused on creating the filial piety values. Nowadays, not only were the parents not being a role model to their children, but the society is disseminating information that helps to instill the idea of killings, stealing, sexual misconduct and wondering thoughts. Under such circumstances, our children are falling fast into the deep valley of lust and delusion. George Santayana once said “A child educated only at school is an uneducated child”.
Nowadays, working parents are faced with the following challenges:
Use of maids -
Most of today’s parents have to work to improve their household incomes and have to leave their children with the maids. To keep their job, the maids would do everything to serve the junior master like an emperor so that the junior master would not complain about them. Under such circumstances, the children would grow up to be totally dependent on the maid and would lose even the most basic survival skills like wearing his shoes and shocks.
Use of grandparents -
Some would employ their parents instead of maids to look after their children. If our parents are not aligned with us in the correct approach in the up bringing of their grand children, then the grand children would learn to get away with anything under the love of the grand parents. Employing our own parents to look after our children is a much better option compared to use of maids. We just need to be careful and align with our parents on the correct approach so that our parents would not love their grand children without wisdom.
Unrestricted use of television and computers -
The greatest monsters today are the television and the computer. Our children can be glued to the computer for hours playing games, and worst still, surfing undesirable websites. Uncontrolled and unrestricted use of television and computers will have a grave and undesirable consequence in a healthy development of our children. Proper supervision is needed on the use of television and computer.
Learning too many trades -
Some parents are busy earning money and have very little time with their children. Not only that, they arranged all the programs to fill up all available time of their children, such as learning dancing, piano, arts, language, tuition, etc. The pressure is exerted on the children to excel not only in class but in all other trades as well. The parents merely impose what they want on their children without even a thought of what their children want and are capable of. Under such circumstances, it is not surprising to find that children not only are not grateful to their parents but hate them for their “sufferings”.
We only have one chance to do it right with our children. Use our loving kindness to nurture and develop our children so that they know how to respect parents, elders and others. When they grow up, they will be able to love and care for others and make this world a much a happier place for all.
Ng Kim Siang
He is a Systems Analyst by profession and has spent a large part of his career managing large technology projects in the Banking industry. He holds a Master in Business Administration from the University of Bath UK and is currently pursuing a Diploma on Pre-School Educator Course. Visit his website now to discover more…
http://www.TipsToEnrichYourLife.com/parenting
http://video.tipstoenrichyourlife.com/
Picture this scenario:
A harried mom in a grocery store asks her two young boys to stop fighting. They continue…getting even more boisterous. After asking for the “umpteenth” time and having them ignore her, she starts to raise her voice, but stops herself, she knows she shouldn’t yell at them…additionally the kids won’t respond to yelling anyway. She reaches the end of her rope, is at her whit’s end, wants immediate results, so, “bribes the children.” Sound familiar?
Bribery gets immediate results. The behavior the parent is trying to curb stops… but to what future consequence.
In the long run “bribes” don’t work. Bribing children can have the opposite of the intended effect. Behavior can become more and more outrageous in the hopes of attaining better and better prizes. It goes to follow, if a small tussle in the grocery store is rewarded with a pack of gum, what will an out and out brawl get, a cell phone? Bribing creates a situation where the tail is wagging the dog. The child’s behavior begins to dictate the culture of the family. The family is happy when the child behaves well and in turmoil when the child misbehaves. The child gains power and the parents lose power.
It is more effective and healthier to tell the child that he or she will face a consequence if the unacceptable behavior continues and then follow-through with that consequence. “If you continue to do “X” behavior, we will not go to the park,” (or whatever fun thing the child is looking forward to in the near future). By giving a consequence that the child can actually experience, the child feels the consequence and in turn thinks twice before repeating the offense. Giving a consequence assures that the parent never attacks the essence of the child, which can be damaging to their psyche, just the behavioral offense.
Following through is a crucial step of this learning process. The child must know that the parent means what she says and always follows through.
On the other hand, when the child behaves, praise, praise, and praise! Let him know that it is marvelous and wonderful when he listens. For example a successful trip to the grocery store should be complimented. Consistency, follow-through and praise are essential in promoting and reinforcing good behavior and creating peace in the family.
Consistency, follow-through, and praise sound easy enough. Then why do parents so easily fall into the “bribery” trap?
One reason parents bribe is because raising kids and running a household are incredibly challenging and taxing. When half-way through folding a load of laundry the child reaches over and tosses the folded clothes across the room or when traveling up and down the aisles of the supermarket and the child starts grabbing food out of the cart and pitching it onto the floor, a parent can feel pushed to the brink. The mundane work has to be completed, it is understandable that parents bribe the child to quickly nix the bad behavior and finish the one of many task on their long daily list.
It is definitely tempting to bribe children to stop the disruptive behavior with a new toy or a snack. However, rewarding the negative behavior with a bribe ultimately leads the child back to that same unacceptable behavior, the next time with a vengeance.
It is really important to be your child’s advocate. Think about the tools your child needs to be equipped for teen years and adulthood. As hard as it is not to appease in the moment, consider the child’s future interests. The goal of a parent is to help mold a fantastic person and give the necessary tools a child needs to have a great life.
Here are ten tips for parents who want to find an alternative to “bribery”:
1. Immediately respond to the incident making sure that the child realizes that her behavior is unacceptable. Little kids need to be educated about right and wrong.
2. Use words the child will understand to explain that you are upset. Don’t assume she knows why you are unhappy. “Tammy, pulling the folded clothes out of the laundry basket is not okay. Mommy worked hard to fold those clothes. We have discussed this before. I am giving you a three minute time-out.”
3. Follow-through, act immediately, and do what you say you are going to do. Do not make idle threats.
4. Ask the child to apologize.
5. Reward the child with a huge hug and kiss and thank him for completing the time-out. Then let it go. It is not fair to your child to dwell on an incident after he has completed the time-out, or you have taken away a toy or privilege.
6. Do not feel guilty that you had to reprimand your child. It is your obligation to your child to teach her proper behavior. If you are calm and choose an appropriate consequence then you are being a great parent.
7. Be on the look out for good behavior. How refreshing it is for kids to have their positive behavior recognized…especially when they weren’t expecting it to be noticed.
8. Keep a tally of all of the good behavior over the course of the day and reward with an extra story at bedtime, an extra fun craft project, or a “tickle extravaganza.” But most importantly, let the child know how proud you are of him or her and how much you love him/her.
9. Talk your children up! Say, “I have the most wonderful kids! I love to be with them!” Kids do hear you when you talk about them, loud and clear. Make sure that the majority of what they hear makes them feel warm and nurtured, loved, respected and cherished.
10. Children want limits set. They feel out of control if you don’t make the boundaries clear, and that scares them. Children want you to be the parent. One of the most wonderful gifts that you can give to your kids is to teach them how to behave properly.
Guiding children through the tough stages of childhood creates parenting opportunities for teaching lessons in manners and good behavior. By promoting peace, quiet and good behavior in the home, parents create a fertile environment that encourages growth and development.
Elena Neitlich is the co-founder and CEO of Moms on Edge, LLC. Moms on Edge, LLC designs, manufactures and sells children’s behavioral products. Moms on Edge mission is to create products that promote peace, quiet and good behavior. Elena is the proud mother of Noah (5) and Seth (2). She is committed to raising really great people. For more information go to http://www.momsonedge.com
Most parents with ADHD children will make sure that routines and schedules are kept to, tasks are broken down and there is some sort of behaviour contract in force in the home. It helps if there is a similar sort of contract with the child’s teacher at school. These are parenting tips for ADHD which are now well established.
The homework battle is one area where parenting skills will definitely be put to the test. ADHD kids just cannot really cope with the long attention spans needed for homework and together with hyperactivity, distractability and impulsiveness makes it all very difficult.This advice is aimed at ADHD teenagers although some of the principles apply equally well to younger children. Often homework is overlooked in parenting tips for ADHD.
Analyze first the location of the homework zone that your teenager has chosen.
Is it a secluded area ? Is it bright and quiet ? There should be no distractions from any electronic media if they are present. They should all be switched off but if he wants to, he can listen to some music with his headphones, provided it helps him to study.
ADHD teenagers need to make sure that they actually write down the assignments they are to do when the teacher writes them on the board. There should be a back up plan whereby he has telephone numbers of classmates with whom he can check if he has not done this.
A good idea to make sure that he has everything he might need to do the homework is to set the alarm on his cellphone so that it rings at the end of the school day and reminds him to collect all the necessary material.
You come to an agreement not to hassle your teenager about seeing the assignments on his planner sheet continuously and the teenager agrees to let you see it without any fuss.
There is an agreement that homework has to be done within a certain timetable and that when and if the teenager has finished, he can do what he likes but has to agree to let the parent see the completed homework. The parents agrees not to hassle about the starting time and the teenager promises not to start with an attitude. Drawing up a contract like this works very well for behaviour issues and is often mentioned in parenting tips for ADHD.
These are just some of the points that you can agree with your teenager about the homework peace plan ! You can go on to elaborate incentives, rewards, interruptions, breaks and other things. Usually the teenager will enjoy drawing this up as he sees that the parent has duties and responsibilities too and will not be a pain in the neck. This is just the start of a plan or contract and the same technique can be used for behaviour problems as well. These techniques can be learnt by following any ADHD behavioural therapy program and will form an essential element in parenting tips for ADHD.
Robert Locke is a Health enthusiast who specializes in Children’s Health. He has written extensively on ADHD. Discover what ADHD Alternative Therapy is available. Find out how ADHD behavior therapy can save your sanity.
The key to ADHD treatment is not ADHD medication – it is simply parenting skills and parenting tips for ADHD is a hot topic right now. Parents want to know how to control their kids, deal with screaming and kicking, temper tantrums and failure to complete homework.
All the kids you read about in the blogs who are out of control and aggressive are sometimes just reacting to their ADHD meds. Aggression is one of the behaviours associated with these psychostimulant drugs, as indeed with marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy and other substances. When the parents are interviewed the ONE thing that comes out is their failure to set limits. This is very often the result of guilt or fear or indulgence on their part. Being over strict or over indulgent is going to have an enormous influence on the way your child behaves. The ability to set limits which are realistic is one of best parenting tips for ADHD that you can apply.
Here are some five more parenting tips ADHD:
1. How the family functions is KEY. Very often, the rules are unclear or applied unfairly. Sometimes, the father may apply the rules in a different way from the mother and confusion and misbehaviour are the result.
2. Time limits and setting the routine. The child knows what happens and when it happens. Routine is important to the ADHD child so there is a time limit for watching TV, computer and video games and so on. Letting children know when things are due to finish helps them in their time management skills, rather than finishing each activity brusquely.
3. Getting ready for bed has to follow a set routine as well . Proper preparation and calming down activities are a great help here. This also helps with sleep problems.
4. Make sure that you are communicating with your child and praising him or her when tasks, such as homework are finished. Help them to break jobs and chores into little pieces remembering that their attention span is rather short. This is especially helpful for homework.
5. Children and the whole family are aware of the rewards and withdrawal of benefits if jobs and tasks are not completed or done. A points or star system to win a special prize or treat which are put on post-its on the fridge door is a good idea.
I know one mother of an ADHD child who became a Taekwondo champion and that was because she refused to have him put on medication. Organising outdoor and physical activities together with your kids is very important too as it increases bonding. While parenting tips for ADHD are useful, there is still the question of what type of medication to give your child. You are probably scared to death about the side effects of the
ADHD drugs and wonder if there is a safer, natural treatment for ADHD. Parenting tips ADHD are just one part of the mosaic- the others are mentioned below and should make your life a lot easier and more serene.
Robert Locke is a Health enthusiast who specializes in Children’s Health. He has written extensively on ADHD.
Discover what ADHD Alternative Therapy is available.